Posted by: |
Valerie Johnston |
On: |
6/29/2003 |
ID: |
96 |
At OLA on 12/1/58? |
Born before or after 12/1/58? |
Where Lived on 12/1/58? |
No |
Before |
Chicago, ILL ( 847 N. Christiana Ave) |
It was a very cold day on the first of December, 1958. Besides my wedding day 11 yrs later, this date has the most rememberance for me. My little brother, Robert Charles was 6 & in first grade, l was a second grader(age7).As l know now, l was one of about a hundred kids home that day with the flu going around. My brother always depended on me to get us to school (we lived a mile away)as on time as possible & safely, of course. My room was just to the left, on the first floor, as you went into the school(103).Bobby's room was in the back of the school, on the right, & every morning l walked him back there to make sure he didn't stop someplace along the way. There were lots of mornings we were both home, as it goes, we would be both sick @ the same time. Not this morning.The day went as usual on a sick day, l had 3 younger brothers @ home, with Mom. She was expecting #6. About the time we usually got home from school, l remember my Mother making the comment that Bobby was late. She was in the kitchen fixing our supper. It was a passing comment because when Bobby had to go alone, he would dawdle--window shop, stop @ the neighborhood bakery, whatever. Some time went by after the comment--we had heard many sirens, more than usual & Mom said she wondered where the fire was. About that time, the phone rang--our neighbor was hysterical& Mom barely got what she was telling her. "the school's on fire, the school's on fire !", l heard Mom say.She shut the stove off & said to watch the kids, she grabbed her coat & one of her best friends met her as she went out the door. l had no idea how life would change for everyone. A lot of the details of that day are lost to me, so some of the next few lines are recollections of my Mother. She called Dad to tell him about the fire--I can't say if he had heard of it yet. But, he was a Chicago Police Officer & worked in the district we lived in. He got home before Mom did. Mom & her friend RAN all the way to the school & when she got there, the firefighters were pouring water into the area where my brother's room was. She passed out & does not know how she got home.I remember panic in their voices as they tried to find out where Bobby was. No one knew, the phone lines were jammed, they called everywhere, the hospitals, the morgue --- found out nothing, even with my Dad's CPD connections. He was suppose to go on patrol in the evening, but he had talked to his Commander, & was told to "stay home until you find your boy". I remember a lot of praying went on, & friends stopped by, we had neighbors waiting to hear where their children were too. We lived @ the outer edge of the Parish. The few hours we had to wait until we knew Bobby was OK ; was nothing compared to what some parents went through. But it happened to us. By the time the strange car pulled up in front of our house, my Grandparents had arrived (they lived north of the school & couldn't get through--they had a car).It was about 6:30 pm, Mom says, Bobby got out of the car. He had his coat, hat,mittens & lunchpail. The adults ran out to him, l watched @ the window. Everyone cried--the tears that day were mixed--much pain & much joy. When Bobby came in, he started telling the horrible story of what he had witnessed. The Nun for his class originally thought it was a drill--when there was a "drill" @ the end of the day, we were all instructed to get our winter things & would be dismissed from outside. That's what she had thought, until she opened the door to go out. Bobby said heavy black smoke came into the room, she realized it was not a drill. He said she was stern & gave specific directions--which they knew to follow.They were led away from the school & "deposited" into homes near by, 4-8 @ a time. In the house he was in, the children magnetically graduated to the window. They saw all the people, the firemen, the trucks, kids coming out of the doors, out of the windows, some jumping, some of those with clothing & hair on fire. He "spilled" it all--& we never talked about it again. And Mom could never get the smoke smell out of his coat & things. As for me, OLA/58 has been a mission in my life. One of guilt, pain & some other emotions l have yet to identify.I was not there that dreadful day, but l wish l had been. My little brother wouldn't have gone through all of it alone & maybe ghosts of the fire wouldn't have haunted me all this time. l am now 52 & like my brother, l didn't talk about it. Were told as children, by the school authorities---teachers, priests, Monsignor etc, not to talk about it. Were also told very often, that the kids & nuns that died, died because they were the "good ones".l know for a fact that some kids were living in abusive homes already. So, that only pushed our self esteem down deeper. The only person there that l remember being so kind was Father Joe. He didn't laugh as much as he use to, but he still had time for us kids. As it happened, when arrangements were made for the students to go to Our Lady Help of Christians for half days of school, l refused. We were to catch buses in front of our school & l was afraid that l would see all that my brother had told me he saw & since the building was still there, we would have to look @ it twice a day & on Sundays.(l refused to go to Mass for the same reason) l was told by Mother Superior that l had to confess the number of Masses l missed because l would go to hell if l didn't. When l could finally go, maybe 6 wks or so later, the ghosts were there. l could see them, smell them & the windows were all out, soot & smoke above them. The picture l had in my head was worse, but the picture in front of me wasn't easy to live with. The WORST part of it all is no one was allowed to talk about it. After all, the" good ones" were gone & we couldn't stain their memory. The following school year, 2 of my brothers & l went to Cameron public school. l was in the 4th grade by the time the new school was built. It made the headlines of the Chigo Sun Times on Sept 14, 1960. The reason l know the exact date is, my class was in the paper--Miss Frances Leach was my teacher. When as an adult l started telling my friends, most of them never heard of it. Once in awhile, l would find someone who had heard of it, & not much else. My family moved to Indiana by the time l was 12 (& back to Chgo in 1971, after l was married), so l didn't hear any more about anything. But the ghosts still haunted--l had forgotten many, many things, which is typical of PTSD.(l even began to tremble when l found this website--l couldn't believe it) Then l began to think other people had forgotten & it made me angry that the children & Nuns died, other children's lives had been ruined & some of us just couldn't bear it when the anniversary came around. l felt as if we had ALL been forsaken by our Church & people. l have written to Oprah 3 or 4 times to ask her to do a program, when Geraldo was on daytime, l called him too. But no one responded. l just wanted to know how everyone else was doing. l always thought of the other survivors & prayed for them---especially on the first of December. Then l got a home computer & began to get on the EWTN website. l had asked online if anyone remembered. l asked one of the experts if the children & Nuns would be considered Martyres. NO, he said ---& gave the Catholic reason. l got one response from a lady whose Mother was a substitute teacher--in school that day. Her sincerity was very much appreciated. A few days later, someone mentioned the book " To Sleep With the Angels". l got busy & looked for it---l called several numbers in the Catholic Chicago Diocese---no one could help me find the book. l thought that if l could just see it all in print, l could chase my ghosts away. Finally, a very nice lady in one of the offices told me the "Church" didn't approve the account of the authors, but told me where to find the now out of print book. l was able to get 2---l sent one to my mother & l kept one. They arrived Nov 30, 2001. My brother chose military life, enlisted @ age 17. He served his country with honor & is now retired. He also went to school & is a CNA & has some of his classes done for his LPN. He didn't talk about the fire again until he was in college---he chose to write an essay in literature class. Since then, he & l have briefly talked about it. l asked him once if l could get Oprah's attention for a program, would he go with me. He said, he figures it is all behind us.The morning of 9-11, as l watched the towers burn, firefighters everywhere, medical people waiting for survivors(l am a nurse myself)& seeing the people jumping from almost 100 stories up---l immediately went back to age 7, December l, 1958. l thought of my brother, who was newly retired & called him. We talked for awhile & l didn't mention how l was feeling about OLA--but he brought it up. He said that he was just a kid again & remembering the kids jumping, now seeing it on TV with another horrific event--he said, he didn't see the adults & the WTC, he saw OLA/58 & lots & lots of hurting children. l trembled for days & days. When l finally got my mother's copy of "To Sleep..."to her,(she now lives in WI), we made lot of calls back & forth, talked, cried etc. l began to write notes in my copy & now my best friend has it. l "stopped" being Catholic about age 13 & made an attempt @ returning to the Church 2 yrs ago. For totally unrelated reasons, l did not "get back". l thought it would be a reconcilliation,however, that was not to be.l don't believe that anyone who survives the OLA fire--be it students,parents or the next generations of the families---will ever be free of the ghosts, the heart break & all that goes with it. We had no counselling, & little comfort from our "Church". But, we all still love each other even if we don't know each other, because we have a heart connection like no other. God bless us & keep us in the Right Hand of His Power, forever. AMEN. Valerie Jean (Johnston) Pitts, INDIANA
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